Forgivness

I had a childhood friend named Priscilla (we use to refer to one another and the best friend in the whole world) since I was four years old, (I took a lot of crap for this girl, lots!) we held on to our friend even through her mom's spontaneous marriage and move to Ireland. When Priscilla and her mother returned they moved to San Diego, we reconnected and had been in regular contact until 2003. When my mother passed away I contacted her, but she was not home so her mother was going to relay the message. (Our mothers were good friends) Needless to say I never heard from her and neither of them showed up to the services. I was so hurt and upset by her neglecting me when I needed her the most. I often wondered why she dropped of the face of the planet and never reached out to me. I'm not one to forgive easily and I do hold on to hurt done by others. It's a bad trait but oh well!



Occasionally I have done a search on facebook or myspace to see if I could find her to get the closure I deserved. It finally happened to find her. I sent her a message and she added me as a friend. Apparently I was not the only one thinking about her poor behavior towards our friendship!



The first thing she posted was an apology for not being there for me and asking for forgiveness. Wow, that's my initial reaction! I do not forgive someone that quickly. So I responded to her saying I feel that you owe me an explanation on why you abandoned me. I also wrote that I do want to be friends again, but I need closure first. She responded with there is no explanation to justify her abandonment to me and our friendship but, she was struggling with depression and could not get out of her pit let alone be there for someone else.

I'd like to truly think and believe that if the tables were turned I would not EVER turn my back on a friend when I am need most. In fact I know I don't when my friends have lost a parent I have been by their side to help in any way possible! When I am needed I drop what I'm doing and become available. It's a struggle for me to understand it. So I got my closure and it's not satisfying but, I guess I will just forgive her (I will keep my guard up to keep my heart protected) Trust will need to be earned I don't had it out like sticker!